


Called Home

by MarikaFromCincy



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 11:06:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14134800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarikaFromCincy/pseuds/MarikaFromCincy
Summary: Patsy and Trixie come home for Barbara’s funeral and struggle to find their place at Nonnatus House without her.





	Called Home

**Author's Note:**

> It felt wrong that Trixie, Patsy, and Delia did not come back to Poplar for Barbara's funeral. I loved the friendship between Trixie, Pasty, and Barbara and I am sad that we didn't get to see them dealing with the loss.

"Christopher, could you pull over?" 

"Yes, of course," Christopher said cautiously as he quickly pulled his sports car off the road just before the railway bridge in front of Nonnatus House.

He peered over at Trixie, but she wasn't looking at him, not in the slightest. He followed her eyes to the front steps of the nunnery. What he saw gave him no further explanation.

"I do apologize," Trixie confessed genuinely but barely pulling her eyes away, "and I do appreciate the ride from the airport, but..." 

She couldn't seem to bring herself to finish.

"I understand," Christopher told her. "I know I'm not a part of this, but if you need me I hope you do call."

Trixie looked at him for the first time in a while. She placed a hand on his wrist and sadly smiled. "I will." 

She then exited the car and nearly forgot that Christopher was there all together. To be truthful, she had barely thought about him since she saw a flash of red while peering toward the Nonntaus steps. She walked toward them. She was nearly ten feet away when her old friend met her eyes. 

Patsy slowly released the smoke from her cigarette as she peered at Trixie. There was so much she was feeling, so much she wanted to say but none of it came out.

Trixie reached the steps and sat a step above Patsy but as close to her as she could. The redhead took a deep, sad breath and held her cigarette out to her. A small, melancholy smile of remembrance snuck across Trixie's face. She took the cigarette. 

"We have been through a lot together," Trixie stated.

Patsy smirked and nodded. "I really wish we hadn't."

Trixie felt her mascara run with the tear that escaped her eye. "Not all of it," she said. "But certainly not this."

"No," Patsy agreed as she dejectedly shook her head at the ground. For a moment the steps felt like too much. They had spent so many afternoons and evenings sitting there. The three of them. The two of them and Barbara. 

Trixie handed the cigarette back to Patsy. Their hands brushed against each other and Trixie let out a faint sob. Patsy set the cigarette on the edge of the step with her other hand as she grabbed and held Trixie's. The blonde let out another sob as she pressed her head into the redhead's shoulder. Patsy put an arm around her.

"How could this have happened?" Trixie desperately asked. 

Patsy shook her head. "There is no reason. There are never reasons when it comes to things like this," she said, barely holding back tears as she drew from her past experiences. 

"How can anyone in there believe there is a god anymore?" Trixie asked into Patsy's shoulder. "How is the world a better place without...how it is a better place without Barbara?"

Patsy squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her lips together. She didn't want to cry about this again, not right now. "It isn't. And I haven't been able to go inside."

Trixie took a calming breath. Her friend's confession making her feel better.

"Where's Delia?" Trixie asked. 

"Inside," Patsy answered with a weak, half smile. "Inside with Phyllis." 

"Gosh, Phyllis," Trixie exclaimed, awash with sadness as she lifted her head off Patsy's shoulder. "I hadn't even thought of Phyllis." 

Patsy began to feel a bit strange with her arm around Trixie. She carefully removed it as she peered across the way. "Have you heard from Tom at all?"

Patsy could feel Trixie tense beside her. 

"Sorry," Patsy replied. "I just thought if any of us, it would be you."

Trixie nodded as she placed her folded hands on her knees. "I guess I would be. And he hasn't, which probably isn't good, but I... I just can't think...think to..." She trailed off completely and held her face in her hand. 

"I know, neither can I," Patsy responded in a small voice. 

They both sat there in silence, stealing glimpses of the bike shed, archway, and reverend's apartment in equal measure. 

The heavy wood door behind them opened. They quickly snapped their heads around to see two nervous-looking women in midwife uniforms. 

"Oui, sorry if we are bothering you but we'd thought you might like a cupper?" Val said sheepishly as she bent down to hold the tray more at the senior midwives' level.

"We made coffee for you," the midwife Patsy didn't know said to her. "Bar...Barbara always said you liked it more than tea."

Patsy smiled sadly and nodded. "I do. Thank you, by the way. I'm Patsy Mount."

"Da hair gave you away," she said with a careful balance of compassion and friendliness. "Lucille Anderson."

"Gosh, sweetie," Trixie stated at Patsy. "I forgot you were gone for so long. Have you even met Valerie?"

"Yeah," Val pointed out with a smile that quickly faded. "We met at the wedding."

The thought drained any happiness or fond remembrance out of the conversation. The four of them sat there in awkward silence until the bells from the church - Tom's church, Barbara's church - rang out the hour. It was 4 p.m.

"The sisters have been looking for the two of you," Val told Trixie and Patsy in a poor attempt to fill the awkward silence. 

"I should be getting inside," Patsy said as she stood from the steps. Before she even looked at her best friend and the two co-workers she barely knew, she knew she'd be going inside alone. She was fine with that, she could solitarily handle tragedy. 

But her plan failed shortly after opening the large wood door to Nonnatus House.

"Oh praise the lord in heaven that you have safely retuned to us," Sister Winifred stated as she slammed Patsy into a hug. 

Patsy felt a moment of sadness wash over her. If this had happened any other evening, under any other circumstance, she would have ridiculed her friend, who would have taken it in stride and criticized her lack of religion. But it was not some other moment. It was in the wake of their young friend's death. 

Patsy returned the hug. "Hello, sister."

Sister Winifred inhaled deeply and slowly took a step back. "Sorry. It is just lovely to see you, Patsy. I only wish your trip was cut short for another reason."

Patsy nodded in agreed. It seemed strange that it was only three days ago when she heard the nun's voice over the phone at the hotel bar in Johannesburg. 

"Thank you for…," Patsy started uncertainly, "well...I guess thank you for calling us."

They both jumped slightly at the phone ringing through the tense silence of the house. 

"I...," the sister muttered.

"Of course," Patsy said with a nod as the nun rushed away.

"Nonnatus House, midwife speaking," Patsy faintly heard as she wandered to the kitchen. 

She wasn't sure where she was going or what she was doing. Where could she even go? She didn't have a room there anymore. And she could not bring herself to go into Phyllis' room. It was Barbara's room too. In her mind, it would always belong to the both of them. 

She sat at the kitchen table. The sound of the coffee mug clanking against it reminded her that it was still in her hand. She peered down at it. It too was just reminding her of Barbara. She felt even more horrible for a moment. It hadn't been like this with Sister Evangelina. 

But that, sad as she was to admit it, had been easier. She could make sense of that. This was simply a random, cruel strike.

"Couldn't go upstairs, sweetie?" Trixie asked as she rounded the corner into the kitchen. 

Patsy shook her head. "I wouldn't know where to go." 

Trixie nodded and then scoffed. "She would find this utterly exhausting," she replied with a sad smile as she sat across from Patsy.

Patsy smirked. "The two of us tiptoeing around each other, try so hard to not be happy?"

"She was all about honesty and compassion," Trixie replied. 

They were both silent for a moment. 

"I'm still seeing Christopher."

"Delia and I are in love."

They blurted in unison.

Trixie smiled and laughed. "I thought so, sweetie."

"I saw his car when you arrived. One can only assume," Patsy replied. 

"Barbara told me once it was sad that you and Delia could never have children," Trixie told her softy. 

"She was so nervous about what you'd think of her first date with Tom," Patsy stated with a smile. 

"She attempted to make me a cake after you left for Hong Kong," Delia spoke up from her spot against the wall, just outside the kitchen. 

Patsy turned and meet eyes with Delia. Patsy could tell from her expression that she had been standing there for a while. She, of course, didn't mind that she had broadcast their secret. 

"It was awful," Delia added as she walked toward the table.

Trixie laughed through a tear. "Well, it would have to be. She had abysmal cooking skills."

"And taste," Patsy added. 

"I couldn't say her dress making skills were much better," Valerie chimed in as she and Lucille entered the living room.

The three older nurses peered over at the younger two. 

"Sorry, do you mind if we join you?" Val asked sheepishly.

"Not at all," Patsy told them. "Please do."

That was where Patsy stayed, where everyone stayed for the rest of the night. The other members of Nonnatus house joined eventually. Fred and Reggie stayed for a bit after fixing a cabinet door. Shelagh stayed after compline was finished. Everyone had a story, and everyone shared.


End file.
